I’m Sorry. Please Forgive Me. Thank You. I Love You.
I yelled at one of my angels today.
I was trying to help her practice her spelling. She was having an exceptionally hard time focusing. I was determined to stay patient and positive. I didn’t push. I backed off and encouraged her to do it her own way and I walked away with love. I felt triumphant. I knew I did my best.
And then.
She slammed the kitchen drawer in our Airbnb, snapping the cabinet face right off the drawer and ran to hide in the bedroom. Her brother came to tell me the drawer was broken.
Fire raged through my blood, inside, a tiny voice told me to slow and breathe, but I ignored it, fueled by the fire, and I barged through the door and yelled as she cowered in the closet.
Then I too retreated and wept.
I lost sight.
I chose a THING over a person.
Not just any person, one of MY people.
My heart ached within me.
Not about the broken cabinet face, but the broken me that lost sight of her.
With some time and breath and healing grace, we hugged and I told her I was sorry. She didn’t say a word about the broken cabinet or her behavior and I let it be.
“I’m the adult,” I reminded myself, “she learns from me.”
Tonight when sleep was elusive I went to her side to whisper affirmations and repeated apologies.
I told her she’s special. I told her thank you for coming to teach me. I told her to just be herself. I told her we love her exactly as she is. I told her she has incredible gifts and a bright, amazing future. I told her I’m sorry. I begged her to forgive herself and love her. And I cried.
I cried compassion for me and love for her. My heart is heavy with gratitude for the little girl who came to teach me about love, willing to wait graciously as I learn my way through it. I wish I could learn it faster and better, but then I remind myself that they don’t need a perfect parent, just a present, patient one who keeps trying time and time again.
Reciting the Ho’oponopono Prayer all through the day,
“I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.”
